The Space Between | Where Honesty Lives

Plants come to my house in die.

I wish it wasn’t true. And I will usually deny it. But to be honest I have a pretty long track record of foliage that enters my apartment vibrant and full of life and emerges dull and dried. The latest victim was a small beautiful rose plant. I had every intention of guaranteeing it’s survival. It held on to hope for a few weeks before surrendering.

And I lost it. In a big ugly tears kinda way.

You see it wasn’t just the the death of a flower. It was the tires on my car that were worn to the cord. It was the text messages and voice-mails I hadn’t responded to yet. It was the job I constantly felt 2 steps behind at. It was the unexpected doctor appointment. It was the earring that I lost. It was the friend with the broken heart. It was the increased number on the scale. It was the boy who won’t respond and the boy who wouldn’t quit. It was the piece of missing siding. It was LIFE. And it was the overwhelming feeling that by not excelling I was failing.

And if I was failing, I was a failure.

But here is the truth I found at the end of that sob session. Feeling like a failure comes from comparing the situation we are in to the situation that we feel that we SHOULD be in. Comparisons CAN be healthy. But left unchecked they can steal all your joy from you. In that moment of sobbing on my apartment floor, it wasn’t that the flowers were dead that was the problem, it was that I felt that I SHOULD HAVE been able to keep them alive. I SHOULD HAVE been more careful with my jewelry. I SHOULD HAVE the money in the bank for new tires because at this point in life I SHOULD HAVE it more together.

Babydoll, I don’t want to invest any more of my emotional energy into should have.  Because who I am is ok.

And who You are is OK. Better than OK. YOU are YOU. And YOU are ENOUGH. I can’t tell you how bad I want to wrap my arms around you and tell you YOU ARE ENOUGH. Honey, give yourself a break to be human. Some humans are terrible at horticulture. And that’s OK. Some humans have their Christmas shopping done in July and some humans only shop in the belated birthday section of Hallmark.  Some humans will always be 10 min early and some will be 10 min late. And that’s OK too.

 Give yourself permission to simply be yourself.

Except for a cactus, I can’t keep a potted plant alive. Despite my best intentions, I will probably never make eating breakfast a habit. I adore ruffled umbrellas. My favorite possession is my tent. I wait until my low fuel light comes on before I’ll stop at a gas station. I will drive all night when you text me that you need me. I’m a little bit hippie, a little bit rock and roll, and whole lot of Jesus. I don’t fit in a mold, and baby, you don’t either. And that’s ok.